gnite :*

9:44pm i couldn’t write for a long time because bad things kept happening.

i did end up getting very drunk, and i made it home after a few hours of walking around.  my roommate had bought us and her girlfriend tickets to a music festival on governor’s island.  i ended up passing out, and lindsay also slept too late, and we were worried we’d miss the last ferries to the island.

0-2

hi heiko button

it wouldn’t end up mattering if we missed the ferry because simply getting to the port ended up being nearly impossible.  between the construction, rerouted trains, and our own frustration, we managed to spend nearly 3 hours going nowhere.  We ended up taking a cab home and missed the festival.

0-1

crown heights, yup.

Right now, I’m making up for it by getting stoned and looking at the giant moon outside my window.  I’m seeing what people have written today, and it’s kind of interesting.

 

10:00pm

I haven’t rly been writing because i’m too busy texting my friends and smiling when ppl like the live blog 🙂

my roommate i think is making out rn.  that’s awesome.  i wish i was making out rn.

ive been thinking a lot lately about what i’d like in a relationship.  i think the main thing i’m looking for is for it to rarely be a drag.  i never want a relationship to be a drag. i know that’s unrealistic, but speaking in general terms a non-drag relationship would be ideal.

I just heard my roommate’s girlfriend say, “I love the way you look at me,”.

I’m smiling because that’s very sweet.

0-4

me wishing i was cool like diane marie D:

10:51pm

After a quick nap, I decided to sit outside and stare at the gigantic glowing moon. it’s blinding.

While I was napping I dreamed that some police officers caught me smoking weed and doing graffiti.  They said they would let me go if I gave one of them head. I said ok but I have to go to the bathroom first. This is where I decide to secretly turn my phone on to record everything so that they can go to jail later. But I think I still do it.

Fucking ridiculous.

Im sitting on my stoop alone tonight, and i’m glad for it. My mind needs a bit of quietting. Im smoking out of my one hitter and trying to figure out what’s bothering me.  It’s probably just one of those days where things seem a little off, I move a little slower, and I might prefer to be here instead of jammed on a subway car or paying $10 for a drink only to eventually tire of having to smile for extended periods of time.  Not because i’m sad, rly; I don’t think ppl realize some girls-women don’t smile all the time. U kno we don’t have to, rite?

 

My phone is dying but its perfect because

1. Its 11:12pm

2. I know what’s bothering me.

I realized 2 things about myself that I still do and I still don’t like.

Thing I do that I don’t like #1

I feel bad about feeling things, and feeling them intensely.

That’s stupid. I shouldn’t feel bad.  Feeling is normal.

Thing I do that I don’t like #2

I might be an extrovert who rly doesn’t want to be one.

I always have thought of myself as someone who liked being alone-and I do. But lately I have been realizing how much I need good people around me.  I’ve made many new friends over the past few weeks, and I am so much happier for it.  but quiet is also nice.  like tonight.  have you seen the moon?

Daydreaming while staring at the moon, playing songs that make me feel sexy but idky.  it’s something to do late at night on a saturday alone in your bed in skivvies enjoying the breeze sneaking thru the window.

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It’s 8:05, I documented my walk.

Photos take a long time to upload, plus I had all this video on my camera from last weekend when we filmed for my music video project. Some photos from my walk.

Took a walk with Janey. First I stood in a pile of leaves.

DSC00467

Then we went to this public playground with these super cool slides, but apparently we came too late, after 5 pm, and these barricades were up. I still totally went down the slide, but I had to slide down in sections.

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Then I left a note in a discarded silverware box in front of this spooky old house. I thought it looked like a haunted house. My friend Alexis says, “You always say a house looks haunted if the paint is peeling.” Well, yeah, that’s one dead giveaway that the house is haunted. You don’t want to disturb the spirits more by renovating. For real.

DSC00472DSC00476 DSC00474DSC00475

thais midday update

12:32pm

Im trying to take a nap even though I woke up only a few hours ago.  I recognize that this is not a good sign.

Im lying in my bed, on my side facing a fabric on my wall. It looks like this:

I cant sleep rly because I keep daydreaming that youre lying next to me and your hand is resting on my hip. Its getting me v hot and bothered. Im thinking you would be great at morning sex and I like imagining what your sleepy eye crust looks like when you wake up.

12:51pm

Actually if im ever tweeting ‘morning sex’, it’s because im thinking about having it with you.

1:15pm

Have been forgetting to eat lately until my hunger becomes unbearable.  I recognize this is not a good sign. I think ill go to the v brooklyn bagel shop and eat in the sun on my stoop. Watching my neighbors walk around is a free fun.

2pm

I walked to get a bagel but the guy who wanted to pass out with me was sitting in front of the store, as he works next door. As, what I deemed to be, our awkward exchange was only a few hours ago I turned the corner before he *hopefully* saw me.

As I walked up wythe there were a lot of ppl riding the new citibank bikes. Instead of complaining about how the bikes are hideously branded to remind me that citibank will own me for the remainder of my life in the form of student loans, ill say that its nice ppl can ride bikes in the sun on a Saturday afternoon.

I walked into the lovin cup which is now just cameo. I didnt want to spend a lot of money but it quickly became evident that i would have to do so.  I opted for a brunch special for $20 where I will be served 3 alcoholic drinks in addition to some brunch foods and coffee.  Strange.

2:23pm

There’s no doubt ill be drunk v shortly.  This is not exactly what I intended. Feeling kinda bad but who cares isnt day drinking supposed to be a Fun Thing ppl do?

Im reading Taipei and feel like im just trying to immitate tao lin’s style.  Bummer. Thought I was more renegade than that.

3:02pm

Significantly more drunk. Wut is it with bartenders trying to get me drunk?

My friend disappeared from the Internet today and im worried.  Theres a lot to say and think about that but idc rly.

So day drunk I have to use my stylus. Yea, “my stylus”.

When i was a kid I saw an episode of pete and pete where a girl tugs on her ear constantly.  I tug on my ear constantly.  Its cus of that episode. Maybe youve seen it.

3:17pm

My horoscope says someone owes me an apology. Is it you? Idk who it is.

3:30pm

Id like to

jyames tends to forget these matters

midnight-[time of sleep] : lawdy it was hard to find a kindness to do when the web there just looking at me and asking me to type things on it more than of the kind i wanted to. i have to reconstruct some of the things i did based off of timestamps. this is not terribly difficult.

2:34AM – i made a desktop wallpaper for my roommate. i posted it on tumblr, where it currently has 3 notes.

7:56AM, 9:20AM, 10:40AM, 11:30AM, 12:23PM – i woke up. there is little to do this morning, so i didn’t mind. had i been in the right mind, i would have posted something here. imagine seeing those little times pop up as you wait, with breath not so interested as to be bated but still held in some kind of anticipation, refreshing the page every few minutes (what is the minimum interval at which one can refresh a liveblog while maintaining ones’ dignity?) to see if a little bit of waking had happened in the meanwhile, but there are other folks who are doing a better run of this anyway, so there you are.

12:35PM – remembered that this was a thing, set off to do it. checked facebook. began listening to shugu tokumaru after blare coughlin posted a link to song of his in a thread in a group on facebook, which for some reason is not actually a weird way of finding out about music.

12:49PM – seeing codi suzanne oliver’s screencaps of web history, i decided that i should share mine up until the point i started, as well.

Screen Shot 2013-06-22 at 12.47.20 PM

Screen Shot 2013-06-22 at 12.47.49 PM Screen Shot 2013-06-22 at 12.48.02 PM Screen Shot 2013-06-22 at 12.48.12 PM Screen Shot 2013-06-22 at 12.48.20 PM Screen Shot 2013-06-22 at 12.48.32 PM

12:51PM – feeling mildly uncomfortable/self-conscious at the reddit/cracked in my history, and not even in the subreddits i actually spend time in. i think i’m going post more of my reddit stats because i hope that i am at least not wholly an offensive human being.

12:54PM – got the screencaps:

Screen Shot 2013-06-22 at 12.53.46 PM Screen Shot 2013-06-22 at 12.53.55 PM

12:57PM – i don’t know how to format images on wordpress. this is seeming like a much richer platform than blogger was when i used that. i should get back into it, perhaps.

12:59PM – wanted to write “now looking at new domains,” but wasn’t; thought about actually looking at new domains so as not to lie, decided not to.

1:03PM – listening to solo classical music in a “lossless” format is actually very disappointing if you play the instrument you are listening to, because it still doesn’t sound half as good as it should in person.

i think i want the technically inferior product at times. most times? can’t say that.

i like things that are flawed, organic, human, felt-through. precision is a bit irritating to me, at least as far as behavior goes. graphic design, not so much. precision’s great there. i am all for it. at times. when balance is necessary.

remembering now a thread about “giftedness” as children that in general didn’t seem to achieve much except confuse us.

it’s a weird thing. to take a child that is by some metric/s, sightly better at a thing/set of things than others and tell them about it. maybe it makes sense? i am going to leave this here, even though it is probably a mistake, because it is “live.” in the spirit of the thing.

1:09PM – i am going to walk to the camera store to look at things i could use but can’t afford. specifically: softboxes. my favorite indoor light is that through window shades, but not the slatted kind of light, more the soft, diffuse kind like can be seen in this photo of my cat:

MR. B

1:12PM – realizing now that image compression here is a silly thing, oh well. also i do not have a smartphone, so no updates “on the go.”

1:17PM – coming back to make a note before i actually do head off (this is a Thing with me) to mention that i just read/caught up on the first few liveblog posts at the top (these are very good, very personal, very good). feeling flattered to have been read by others (Codi esp.) here. should be expected, but it still sets my heart a-glow. i love people. i don’t understand them at all. i understand some of the relationships/mechanics, but not the people. it’s like knowing 80% of all there is to know about railroads and nothing about trains.

1:20PM – wishing beach sloth was a part of this. wondering if he’ll review this project. beachie is  the sweetest. i’ll be getting my custom beach sloth shirt in the mail soon; looking forward to sending him some pictures. my face was his brand for a while, and i like keeping up the support.

2:57PM – i wrote an update and hit “update” and then wordpress seemed to have swallowed it. oh well.

apprx. 3:15PM – i got to see an SL1 in person. cute and adorable and i have no need for one at all, but if any of my pals with smaller hands/frames ask about DSLRs and all that, aha, i’ll suggest this one. i’m a canon fan, anyway. mirrorless seems to be a thing. those are even tinier. i feel a strange aversion to the idea of mirrorless cameras, but perhaps only because i’m already invested in the DSLR ecosystem. some pros can swing it. i don’t know. not my deal at the moment. it’s a kind of hostility to change that i usually don’t like to see in myself. it usually only pops up when the new thing is in an area that i feel i have some know-how in, i suppose. 3d printers fascinate me. i’d like to make masks on 3d printers. graphic design on my face, and not in a permanent way? heck yeah.

apprx. 3:50PM – groceries at stop’n’shop with daniel and leah. it just struck me how biblically  appropriate those names are. not in a direct story sense, but oh well. it’s relevant to the life/beliefs of the participators in the deal (not a deal? it is a word). i got some avocados. some folks are heck of down on the idea of avocados, saying that they taste like gelatin. perhaps they haven’t had any good ones, but it’s more likely that we just happen to disagree.

4:31PM – i’m caught up with the haps such as happed to happen since i left. feeling very strongly that this is not “interesting” in a way that any would care to read. perhaps i should include some hilarious talking animals or animated gifs of puppies acting like humans.

4:33PM – caught up with Codi’s liveblog post; am finding myself most interested in her day. other liveblogs on here are pretty nice, too. all a matter of Taste, Personal.

4:35PM – listening to “How I Got Over” by the Roots. this album has grown quite a bit on me since it came out. i suppose i’ve been doing some kind of growing laterally/parallel?

4:38PM – the lizzy/omaybo liveblog has been telling me that the chat is opening for several minutes now. i would like to join in/participate in the chat.

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4:39PM – there it goes.

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4:42PM – hahahahaha, oh modernity…

4:44PM – it’s good that these are all so different, style-wise. the worst thing about many web communities (any communities) is the way that they create a normalized kind of syntax/construction. sharing a language is one thing, sharing style is another. light defense of reddit above aside, reddit is particularly bad about policing style. in subreddits that revolve around a shared character (enlightenedbirdmen, for example), it makes sense, but i’m saddened sometimes when i read a thread and can’t distinguish people by style.

4:48PM – more reddit data on me for disclosure’s sake:

Screen Shot 2013-06-22 at 4.48.16 PM

i am not very good at reddit.

4:50PM – i’m about to eat some store-bought sushi. still listening to the Roots.

4:42PM – switched to the soundtrack to “submarine

4:56PM – chat in the lizzy/omaybo liveblog is so good. it keeps on coming back to this, and then back to itself, and so on and so forth. i’m not participating much. not so sure what my whole angle on this is yet. just trying to be sincere/honest, as always. i’m big on those qualities.

5:02PM – i feel that i should include “selfies” at some point. i took one with photobooth earlier today (more than one, actually), but didn’t like it and haven’t wanted to post it. i am not very much in to the “selfie” game in part because i don’t like my face and in part because i don’t like the way my face looks in photobooth and in part because i don’t have a smartphone and in part because it hardly ever occurs to me to take a picture of myself. i don’t know.

5:06PM – listening now to Caroline Smith and the Good Night Sleeps, the only non-celtic, non-classical band i have ever been to see.

5:08PM – finished the store-bought sushi. it was not bad. i remember seeing stop’n’shop (stop & shop) on a list of “worst grocery stores in the country” but i never noticed anything terrible about it.

5:20PM – i want to make more wallpapers for people. free to ask.

5:24PM – Screen Shot 2013-06-22 at 5.24.35 PM

i feel good about this ^^^

6:01PM – made a facebook cover photo for a pal.

Cover for Ezra

6:33PM – made another facebook cover photo for Quinn Maubach off the cues “calming” and “glitch.” i am trying to upload a copy here, too, but my connection has been odd. safari booted me off twice in a row when i tried to do something silly.

6:38PM – got it to work.

Cover for Quinn

6:41PM – i’ll be heading out soon, to shoot the opening night party for As You Like It (which is not actually on opening night, but that’s the way things are when dealing with the outdoor stage). expect a lot of info to be dumped tonight. i also have three more requests for facebook cover photos, which should be good fun. 😀

7:56PM – i don’t have to be there until later, it looks like. here’s a cover for Rachel Hyman of Banangolit. i didn’t really do what she was asking me for  (“something ambient with ghosts”) because i am not very good at this. 😦

Cover for Rachel

7:58PM – might as well post the wallpaper i started the day off with, direct link style and all.

MBP13 Wallpaper

8:15PM – feedly does seem nice, but i’ve been starring items on google reader like it’s never going to go away. eight more days with you, dear reader. we have had such a good time together.

8:18PM – realizing yet again that i probably shift the “topic” or general subjects of my tumblr blog too often to keep people engaged. started with image macros, turned into other things, has been others. all since last august. check the archive, it’s all over the place.

8:22PM-8:30PM – actually, legitimately wasted time of facebook. im, as they say, cry.

8:32PM – i really like the default typeface on this layout. what is this..? i can’t spot most things by sight alone.

8:36PM – i just added a “more” tag towards the top; not sure if i should keep it. seems like a good idea, and also not a perfect one. i’ll leave it for now.

8:37PM – feeling now, as quite often, that i’m not really living a “writer’s life” or whatnot, if that even means anything. my persona/writing vary all over the place. i am not doing Things that Writers Do. i don’t know. i like the “i am alt lit” interview with Nathan Masserang, who i admire quite a bit. here’s what he said about the question of calling oneself a “writer:”

Screen Shot 2013-06-22 at 8.39.19 PM

i feel like there’s nothing “pure” in what i do and am also aware that “purity” in that sense is completely useless. i can’t base my own self-perceptions off of interpretations of what others are doing, because i can never generalize from them to me. i’m not “special/unique” by any means, but i’m also not anyone else.

8:42PM – got rid of the “more” tag.

8:44PM – i often discover new crushes on people i’ve known for ages. not in the  sexual/romantic way, but more in the “oh my gosh this person is amazing how cool oh gosh wow.”

8:49PM – Codi is killin’ it with the liveblog promotion game, also in part because hers is awesome.

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8:53PM – wondering again what it “means” that my tumblr/twitter follower counts are so far ahead of the actual total amount of “engagement” with what i do.

8:54PM – doubting anyone who doesn’t already know me will read this.

8:55PM – weighing relative merits of following opening night party with some time in crusader kings ii, which is an amazing game (quite thankfully so, because it’s just about the only grand strategy title even available for os x. i got it + packs on a steam sale a while back).

8:57PM – there are a lot of things i want to get rid of/sell. redundant tech gets under my skin. it’s hard because so much of it only partially overlaps in function with other things, but i need the whole range and so i keep it all. case in point: both 6 year old blue snowball and a newer zoom h2n. different ends.

9:10PM – considering registering “sellcashforfree.com”

10:11PM – just got back from a bout of sass-gut. also: helped my roommate register a domain name all professional-style, and registered my own for a podcast i was hoping to start at some point.

10:20PM – my stomach is still heck of sassin’ me. i am glad that i can share this with you.

10:28PM – i feel very sick. not fun at all.

10:41PM – i picked up another domain name:

HahKanye

10:48PM – someone should have grabbed this a long time ago:

Screen Shot 2013-06-22 at 10.48.24 PM

11:10PM – i made this for the downloadkanyewest.com site:

Kanye-West copy

11:21PM – i am really feeling very sick. i’ll try to get away soon and do the party photo thing, if i can. my stomach is just doing heck of sass right now. dang it. dang it dang it dang it.

11:30PM – downloadkanyewest.com is live now. on an unrelated note, i may be about to barf.

11:37PM – the dark souls facebook cover photo has been reblogged by a few gamer tumblrs. it seems to be picking up a bit. someone even followed me after seeing it (i presume, rather; they didn’t “like” or reblog it, but their tumblr is mostly dark souls things, so..?). this reminds me of the time when my short story/prose poem about eminem in a food court got me a few eminem blog followers.

11:43PM – some day, it’ll be something more directly relevant to my “main deal,” but i’m actually pretty ok with this.

Screen Shot 2013-06-22 at 11.42.28 PM

 

12:16AM – oops, the day passed by. i was just feelin’ sick and sorry. nothing much happened in the poetry/creative writing front, but that’s all one. i did a few nice things. now i need to sleep. aha. ha. aha. good night.

It’s 2:10 pm

I’m still wearing what I slept in which is what I wore yesterday. There were noisy people outside and my cat made a funny sound at them. She is always making really cute, chirpy noises. She is kind of a co-dependent cat. She follows me just about everywhere. If I go into the bathroom she follows me and if I’m in there for more than a minute she starts scratching at the door, asking to be let in. She is at my feet now and she is making little pigeon coo noises. She is seriously the best cat.

It’s 2:18. Just tried to get Sookie to sit for a photo. She hates photos. I followed her around with the camera and took some photos of her stretching on the rug (it’s really adorable) but she is kind of hard to photograph unless the lighting is just right. She just ran at me and ran away down the hall because I had a camera pointed at her. “She’s the Sean Penn of cats,” said Janey.

It’s 2:20 pm. This is a photo of me holding Sookie. It’s not a good photo. I’m going to brush my teeth and make coffee.

Sookie really hates photos. She loves being held, but not if we're posing for a picture.

Sookie really hates photos. She loves being held, but not if we’re posing for a picture.

It’s 2:38 pm. Watching my cat chase a fly is the best free entertainment. All you need is an open window.

It’s 2:47 pm. She just jumped on a bookcase and is examining the row of books, looking behind to find the fly. She is really good at this. Watching her jump is almost magical. She’s like Jordan.

It’s 2:52 pm. I just posted this on facebook: “Doing this today.” with a link to the liveblog. My cat just jumped down from the bookcase, walked over to where I am sitting, and plopped herself down in front of me to groom. I asked her, “Did you get that fly?” She looked at me and made a chirpy noise. I think she knows what she needs to do.

rachel s. 3 – 5pm

sat on the internet reading the liveblog. finished my entry and my supermelt. i have a side of apple wedges in the refrigerator which i will eat when i feel less full. now going to the pharmacy because i forgot to get vitamins at the grocery store and target didn’t have the type i wanted yesterday. contemplating rolling a j and roaming through the cemetery beside my apartment when i get back.

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